Saintly Thoughts


I am completely unsettled by time.  I know that it is childish of me to think so, but I cannot help but feel as though I am locked in an eternal struggle with her; a struggle which I know I can never win.  How can I fight her?  I fill my days with tasks and activities and she slips through my fingers as vapor.  I slow my heartbeats and lie still upon my bed, yet still she slips by me unseen.  I have stalked her in my dreams, and sometimes I feel as though I have almost caught her.  If I did catch her, what would I do?  If I discovered that she was mortal and could be killed, I would rape her and murder her in the most savage way imaginable.  If I discovered she was immortal I would pester her until she withdrew herself and allowed me to live the whole cycle over again and again in perpetuity like a rat upon a wheel until, glistening with sweat and tears, I collapsed into a heap and, grasping at her bare ankles, pled with her to speed me on into the grave.  Only then could I be satisfied.  She is a bitch of a goddess.